Attachment
I wrote a story about attachment as a part of a
project in the last semester. I understood what attachment brings to life and
what we may lose when we do not have healthy attachments. Attachment is all
about relationships and relationships are somewhere the building blocks of our
personality. Emotions and relationships are inseparable. Both impact each
other.
Let’s have a look at two stories which involve both
relationships and emotions.
Sumita is still upset that her mother went to visit
a relative. Sumita has something of her own going on and she is quite stressed.
She and her mother share a relationship which has more fights than talks. Today
also, she fought with her mother. This is what is happening in Sumita’s life
for past few days.
Mom: Ok. Listen. I am going to uncle’s place for few
days.
Sumita: Do what you wish, mom.
Mom: I want you to take care of a few things like the
electricity bill, grocery, ….
Sumita: (Irritated and quite angry) I know. I know.
Now, don’t keep on telling me about what to do and what not to.
Mom: Sumita, I am going for a few days and that’s
why I want to tell you things. Are you ok with me going, dear?
Sumita: (Angrily) go away for as many days as you
want. Who am I to tell you anything?
Sumita has been having such arguments with her
mother for some days. Her mother finally decides to go. Sumita does not want
her to go. She never once tells her mom about how she actually feels.
Jay is watching some match on the television.
Surfing the channels during the commercial breaks, he stops to watch a show her
sister really likes. He wishes that she were here. Jay would have teased her
about being obsessed about the show. Jay just came back from a work trip. His
sister has gone out for a vacation. She was expected to come back by now. Just
the day before, she called and said she wants to extend her vacation. Jay knew
that his sister had a tough year. She went through a lot. He is happy that she is
enjoying her vacation. He felt relieved when she went. She was really cranky
and behaved weird, on occasions. But now, he misses her. He did not expect her
to stay that long. They share a great bond. He confirmed with his mother twice
about his sister extending the vacation. He does not want to call and disturb
her.
Both these stories talk about the unexpressed emotions.
In Sumita’s case she might want her mother to be there as her support system.
She may feel that expressing that would be a sign of a weak person. Sumita
might want her mother to understand her feelings without any spoken words. In
her case, her anger is just a camouflage. All her tender emotions are hidden behind
the harsh anger and frustration. In Jay’s case, if he expresses his feelings to
his sister, she might like it a lot. But, Jay prefers not to express his
emotions. He might want her to there for him.
The bonds in our life mean a lot to us. We might
fight, have heated arguments, dislike some things about each other but, these
relationships are what make us who we are. It may seem difficult to express our
true emotions and expressing the emotions may not work always. But, being aware
of our own emotions is still important.
I remember my conversation with my favorite
professor, once. I was talking about the cycle of births and how I believe in
it. I thought my professor would say, “Yeah! Me too” Instead my professor said,
“We human beings want to hold on to live. We do not want to accept the truth of
death. Hence, we develop concepts such as the rebirth. Such concept maintains
the existence of life more profound.” I still believe in rebirth. What I learnt
from my professor’s comment is that holding on to something is healthy till the
point it makes us grow. An ideal relationship is where both the partners help
each other grow. However, when sticking with something hinders our growth or
blocks someone else’s growth, it is better to let go.
The relationships develop through expressing
emotions in the right manner. It is important to occupy some space and give
some place. Things would not always work out in a relationship. Dealing with
the ups and downs with a calm demeanor is essential.
Being alone is not that difficult and relationships
are not a dire need but, they do make our life more meaningful.
With this, I think, I understood another flavor of attachment
today!!
