Reason to Smile…

A day or two before, I was feeling really confused and not able to smile from my heart. It was difficult to handle. I had no lectures to distract my mind and keep me busy.

I did not know what to do. I did not know what would make me feel better. I knew the reason behind the sadness that surrounded me but I did not know how to deal with it. I watched my favourite television show. I watched a movie of my favourite actress. I sat in my comfortable chair and went online to watch some videos and help myself to deal with the feelings. I could not help myself. 

The day started and time was moving very slowly. I started feeling that I was not competent enough to understand myself and to solve my own problems. I could not handle the fact that it was difficult to know exactly what I am feeling. I am a post-graduate student of psychology. I knew that I am supposed to name what I am feeling exactly and then accept it and choose a course of action that would lead to positive outcomes. I knew the theory but it was almost impossible to apply it practically. 

I was feeling confused. I was overwhelmed with the fact that there are a lot of things which I cannot control and I still had to accept them as a part of my whole life. I knew that what happened was not under my control and I also knew that I was not ready to adjust. So, I started convincing myself that it was fine and I would wait with the emotions I was feeling inside so that they will taper off. But, as the day was heading ahead the emotions started growing stronger. The emotions demanded my full attention and I tried hard to ignore them. The situation I was facing was too personal and I could not share it with anybody. I tried to be dominating and angry. But, I was not feeling angry and that was the reason I could not get angry. However, I got irritated that I was unable to choose a course of action that would help me reduce the intensity of emotions inside.  

It was evening and I was still with the confused, irritated and lonely state of mind. I thought I could go out and do some bank work that was pending for a while. I combed my hair, got dressed, grabbed my bag and went out. I did my work. I was still living with those emotions. I ate my favourite street food and I was still struggling. I called up my close friend and talked to him about whatever situation I was having metaphorically. It did help a bit with the loneliness. I could accept the fact that I was not in control and also would not get any help. But I was still not able to smile wholeheartedly. I was still confused about the choices I made.

I thought I was doing nothing. I felt almost useless for some time. Then, one of my friends called about our project and I was excited that I had something to do. I did internet surfing about the same project till late night and then decided to sleep.

The next day started with a moderate mood mixed with confusion and questions. I decided to watch some television program and also listen to a video on positive psychology so it would help with one of my papers in this semester. I did that and it helped me elevate my mood. But, I was still not smiling as I always do looking at my own face. For some reasons a distant friend wanted to meet me. I also had to meet my other friend to borrow his help for the project. I fixed the timing and decided to meet them. I watched the video on positive psychology just before leaving to meet my friends. I was thinking, “The lecturer in the video said one should spend quality time with friends and family”. I knew quality time with family is not going to help here. Though it was a coincidence I was happy that I was meeting my friends. I had a great time with both of my friends. It was really good. 

I always tend to think about the dark side. I tend to think in terms of “Why would anybody even bother to care about me?”, “I am just an ordinary girl. Why would anybody remember me?”. But, I know that my family and friends do remember me. They miss me when I am not there. Hence, somewhere I contribute in my own way to the small world around me. This is what I realize every time when I spend time with the people who know me. 

I got a strong reason to smile, to laugh. I have lovely friends and wonderful family. I have my own self to take care of me. I have got something inside that keeps my heart beating and brain functioning. I have an amazing mind which searches for my minute problems and helps fix them. So, I have every reason to smile.

Things will happen. All I need to do is believe in myself and follow what my mind says.

The New Life

The New Life

Today as the day starts a new human being has born and that is me.

The sun rises and I wonder how he manages to rise in spite of so many blasts happening on him every day. Things happen and they keep on happening. I think this is what the Eastern philosophers meant when they said flow of life, isn't it. The flow of life is just like the flow of thoughts. Both of them never stop. They know their work very well. The thoughts keep us thinking and life keeps us giving lessons without a halt. There is continuity in nature and we as part of nature are also part of the continuous events that happen. The bigger picture of we all children of mother earth is really very huge.

This is where the feeling starts. The moment we think of mother earth we paint a nice picture in front of our eyes. Large green forests, the deserts, the big metropolitan cities, the tribal habitat, a number of animals, the grass lands, the farms, the snowy mountains, the ocean and so many other things are the surrounding of our home. We breathe thinking the world is so big when we even have not considered everything living and non-living on earth. The days seem so small even to think about all this. But, this is just the scenario on a day where things are not troubling us or we do not bother to get troubled by them.

Otherwise, we are concerned about our own life and hardly think about anything outside. We close eyes and see our own problems and people associated with it. This is what we call the routine stress that somewhere we induce on ourselves. There is another way we create stress for ourselves. We keep on judging the people, situations, decisions and environment. Above all, we judge ourselves. We are so involved in the right and wrong of the world that we no longer see the colors life offers.

One fine day we get tired and see the world around amazed that though some things might have changed many are same or at least similar to the last time we noticed them. All of them, like us are struggling to flow with the life. They have some ups and downs and they manage to walk ahead and sometimes even walk on their own. They follow their heart and make decisions. We are doing the same thing. We are adjusting and adopting.

So with all this we are changing everyday even without our own notice. We are changing our thinking, feeling and actions as well. Every day when we wake up in our bed we take a new birth and start living once again. If we stick to the past we forget that we are born again with the day and if we think about what we will be tomorrow we waste the experience of our own current self. So let’s give ourselves a chance. We are born again to live and make it memorable. So let’s LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST.