Fear of unknown and development of bonds
Dedicated to the two girls who became my buddies in
really no time:
This is all based on my personal experiences and my
learning, not research.
We all face fear of unknown all the time. Like the
title song of a famous medical series called “Grey’s Anatomy” says: “Nobody
knows where we might end up…” I think this is our most dreaded fear.
According to a Wikipedia entry “Many people are scared of the ‘unknown.’
The unknown can branch out to many areas such as the hereafter, the next ten
years, or even tomorrow. Many people are too scared to take the path they want
to, because of what may lay ahead. Fear of the unknown is one of the reasons
that people do not make an effort to enhance their scholarly education.”
We all want the comfort of the known situation. We
are afraid to take that one more step, even if it means progress and a variety
of rewards. We never think that the situation we find comfortable now, was
unknown to us previously. But, the fear of unknown is evolutionary. We do not
tend to be rational about it. The fear of unknown aided the survival of men and
women living in hunter-gatherer societies. We still carry that fear as a part
of our survival instinct. Sometimes, we convince ourselves that the new
situation is going to so terrible that it would be better if we maintain the
current one.
I myself feel stressed while adjusting to a new
situation. Bouts of loneliness come and go. All I want is talk to my close
people and be with them. Eventually, all goes well. But, I hardly made friends
in this manner. Those who became friends always thought I am quirky and
eccentric. However, there was one of my friends who confronted me, almost two
years ago.
Although she is my best friend now, she wasn’t then.
She just told me straight on my face that I am not letting people in my life.
She told me that I have built a wall around me, which is so strong, that people
cannot see what I am actually. She told me that one has to make efforts to
develop and maintain friendships. I need not say that she has the capability of
telling me anything and yet remaining my best friend. There, I learnt that new
situations are to be feared to only a certain level. One has to develop ways to
deal with fear and make the situation comfortable. I understood a new meaning
of friendship.
Few months ago, I started working. I was nervous
again. However, I pulled through quite well. The other day, she told me again
to believe in myself and the goodness I offer. I am proud to say that I have
developed some beautiful bonds at my new workplace. I knew that friends will
make me comfortable; hence, I invested in people around me. I still am quirky
and weird, but, that does not stop me from making friendships and nurturing
them.
Involving in people may not always give positive
outcomes. Sometimes it may lead to disillusionment as well. The other times,
you may develop expectations; your friends might take you for granted; you may
feel hurt; you will get angry, quarrel; and yet you would want them to be a
part of your life. This is true about most of our relationships. This all helps
us develop and we are comfortable again.
Earlier, I would have never thought that having
heated arguments, disagreements, quarrels, fights, and differences of opinions
is a sign of comfort. Now, I feel that only when we are comfortable in any
relationship we dare do all the above mentioned things.
This brings me back to my new friends who have
become a part of my life. The fear of unknown is still there as I do not know
what might happen the next moment. However, I certainly know that I do not want
to know what is going to happen. With these many healthy relationships and
comfort, I know, I will be able to face whatever lies ahead. I have learnt to
do that now.
