Just because we can live without something, we don’t have to.

Just because we can live without something, we don’t have to.

These words are so true. They apply to everything that we do.

It is most applicable for the things, feelings, people, etc. we are angry at. It is very easy to say, “I can live without ever meeting a friend. I can live without, say milk. I can live without reading books.” This is what I can do, but it clearly isn’t what I would do.

It’s always with this “What we can do?, What we want to do?, and What we do?”

I love the game emotions play with us. One day, we would be so attached to someone or something that we would believe that we would not be able to live a second without that particular thing. Next day, we would be so mad at something that we would feel we cannot live with that thing. But for all the same, we do live with thing. And if I am correct in analyzing, it’s not due to any force or lack of choice. We do either being aware or not being aware choose to live with the same person, thing, or feeling.

It is same with letting someone go as well. There is a moment when you skip a heartbeat taking a decision to let something go. We know that we want the person or the thing to be there, but we also know that holding things back and tying them to us tightly is not the way of keeping them with you. We know that we are not losing anything or anyone. We let someone go because we know that the person or thing will be there with us even though it’s not physically present.

This is the moment when we are closest to reality. We learn to let go and yet be attached. This is probably what society calling being mature.

On that note, if you are letting someone be a part of your life ensure that you don’t tell them, “I can live without you.” However, if you do tell say something that stupid to them, ensure that they know that even if you can live without them, you don’t want to. On the other hand, if you are letting someone go, tell them that you will be there for them and ensure that you make them feel the same.

Life is sudden. Some things turn out to be surprises and others shock. But if you have the enough amount of courage to say a heartfelt sorry and a genuine thank you, you’ll sail through.

That’s pretty much all.

Love, is it??

There are things that you don’t want anyone, really anyone, to know except someone who means something beyond everyone to you.

Today, I am writing to that someone.

He is the person I share my all life with. It is difficult not to let him stay near me always. It is so nice to have him in my life. I feel home when I feel his presence around me.

I was confused and mislead all through my life. When I met him, I started understanding him. I took a step ahead toward him to make him a part of my life. Today, I consider myself lucky that I had the courage to embrace him with all my heart.

There were days in my life, when I would ask myself (as you can also read it on my blog), “Is love really necessary to live and further one’s life?” I am so glad that today I have an answer. I would not ever have expected myself to come up with such an answer ever. To put it metaphorically, if food is what keeps you alive and air is what keeps you breathing, then love is what gives you a reason to eat and breathe.

Yes, love indeed is the biggest energy that drives all of us.

Denying myself of the concept of love, I started getting closer and closer to the concept. 

I don’t know how many of you liked Geometry in school. But, do you remember those proofs we used to write almost all the time. For example, proving that a given triangle is a Pythagorean triangle or not. (A right triangle whose sides form a Pythagorean triple is called a Pythagorean triangle.  A Pythagorean triple consists of three positive integers a, b, and c, such that a² + b² = c²). So, we would start by saying that the triangle is not a Pythagorean triangle; therefore, the sum of its sides squared would not be equal to the square of the hypotenuse. Then, at the end, if this is the case, then we would say, it is indeed not a Pythagorean triangle. However, if our calculations show that the sum of its sides squared is equal to the square of the hypotenuse, then we reject our assumption and say that the triangle is a Pythagorean triangle.  

Sorry for the detailed analysis of a proof there. The point I am trying to make here is, many of the things we believe to be nonexistent on the basis of our current experience, can turn out to be real and actual after we test our assumptions. Challenging and testing our assumptions is really difficult, and believe me, no one can persuade us to challenge them if we don’t want to do so. But, if we do, we may actually find answers to some of the questions that keep on haunting us.

So, how did we reach to analyzing and testing our beliefs from the cute and adorable emotion of love that everyone wants to experience?

The answer is I did not believe in love until I realized for myself that I love someone. Loving someone is good. It makes you think that you are worth living. If you are lucky enough to be loved by someone, then it is incredible. However, there too I cannot stop analyzing. I keep on analyzing everything that he says and everything that I tell him. I keep on testing and retesting our relationship. Once you have found love, it is really difficult to let it go. You want to hold it tightly, close to your heart, and ensure that it doesn’t slip away. You are confident, yet afraid.

What is life without some spice? You cannot keep on living on a salad. Once in a while, you want to taste some spicy Indianized Chinese dish that your colleague orders, only to find out that, “Amruta, this amount of spice is not going to be easy next day, when you would try emptying your stomach.” Still, you want to experience it.

The first thing I realized about love is that I was afraid to experience it. (My mind’s counter attack on this was as follows: Who are you kidding Ms. Psychologist? Are you so delicate that you won’t let yourself experience a positive emotion? I believe you have experienced some deep negative and positive stuff, and you handled it pretty well. Why are you hiding under the bed now? Come on, it’s not going to hurt you. If it does, you will still learn.)

Then, I realized that I am capable of giving ample amount of love; however, when it comes to receiving some, I chicken out.  

Then I realized loving does not need to be learnt. It comes to us naturally. Human beings love each other in their own individual ways. This makes love unique, yet universal.

One of the ways Indian Philosophy prescribes for understanding the ultimate reality, being one with God, and attaining liberation from all the attachments, is through the greatest feeling of attachment, i.e., love. In simple words, it talks about loving to the extent of devotion that would then lead to the ultimate goal of our lives.

So, resisting emotions, particularly love, does not help.

That’s more or less what I talked with him when I started loving him. I cannot thank him enough for loving me back. It was a process for me, though it may not be so for others. Love reveals itself differently through every individual.

I cannot even say his and my definitions of love are the same. I would not be wrong if I say that he loves me in his own way and expresses it quite differently than I do. However, it doesn’t change the fact that we love each other. That’s what is most important. 

Did I just wake up?

As I always say, we learn something or the other every day. With every day that passes we learn, we grow, and yes, we change. It is indeed amazing.

The other day I was talking to my friends, rather, colleagues. I was telling them that I am going home. One of them jokingly said, “Yeah! Finish your work and get lost from this place. Go home.” Without even realizing, I ended up saying, “I would love to get lost so that I can find myself again.” I never knew that I held such a spirit somewhere inside me. I went back to my work. However, this thought never left me. I still think to myself, “Amazing, isn’t it?”

Once I was at home and wanted to take a walk all of a sudden. Acting on my instinct, I went to walk. I started thinking about my anger, about the fights I had with some of my loved ones. At the same time, I was thinking about something someone said to me sometime back. That person was speaking my heart, “It has been three weeks since we came here, but it doesn’t feel that so much time has passed.” I, a strong believer of Einstein’s philosophy of relativity of time, told him, “When we are doing something which we love doing or are with our loved ones, time flies. It goes away faster. On the other hand, when we are doing something boring, time ceases to move.” The person understood what I said perfectly. All this conversation played in my mind while walking. I thought do I really want regrets resulting from my anger. I surely did not. I decided to apologize to the people I had hurt. I also knew that they are close enough to understand me.

I recently visited a village very similar to my parents’ hometown. I always felt that volunteering makes me feel good. It does. However, I never understood that it is the memory, the schema of childhood I carry with me, attaches me to every village I visit. It allows me to experience the smell of the soil differently than others. It is what I feel about my grandfather that helps me connect with the air, soil, sky, and all other living and non-living elements. For once, I realized that not only the natural landscapes or helping someone but also the sweet memories of childhood that give me immense amount of pleasure. I seek every experience that allows me to experience those moments again and again. They rejuvenate me.

When I look at myself as a Psychologist, I realize that I use regression as a defense mechanism when I want to express something that I cannot. I become a child. I listen to poems, watch cartoons, simply jump, or indulge into all those things that I did as a child. My friends, family, and colleagues find it simply weird. I understand them. They would not really get from where such a behavior would come. It is not right for anyone to expect other people to understand such a thing. However, it gives me immense pleasure to know what I resort to and how exactly it works out in there. This part of me isn’t childish at all. People call this part normal. But, I love both of my parts equally.

It sometimes seems that you have lost yourself in the world that people call normal. When you follow all those social rules and abide by all the expectations, you forget to ask yourself for your own wishes, urges, cravings, and of course, injuries. The inner self keeps on calling you until you answer. When you do answer the call, even though it may just mean eating ice-cream when you have a little cold, meeting your friend without planning, dancing in the street because you’re happy, letting go off your tears, letting your heart stay and feet linger till they are ready to leave, it feels lighter. It is as if you were asleep for a while and woke up again.

I hereby request all of you to not wait long for listening to your inner self. Please do not tire it. It is an immense source of freedom, energy, imagination, … It has the power to transform your breath into fire, ice, or a storm, whatever you want.

I know why this inner self is called spirit now. Remember, before giving an injection, the doctor rubs some spirit and then proceeds. It feels cold. That same spirit is used in lamps to ignite fire.   

So, the simple thing is, when you realize something, act on it. So many people I have observed do understand, however, do not act including myself. This simply leads to regrets.

It’s your choice: regrets or boundless energy.