Love, is it??

There are things that you don’t want anyone, really anyone, to know except someone who means something beyond everyone to you.

Today, I am writing to that someone.

He is the person I share my all life with. It is difficult not to let him stay near me always. It is so nice to have him in my life. I feel home when I feel his presence around me.

I was confused and mislead all through my life. When I met him, I started understanding him. I took a step ahead toward him to make him a part of my life. Today, I consider myself lucky that I had the courage to embrace him with all my heart.

There were days in my life, when I would ask myself (as you can also read it on my blog), “Is love really necessary to live and further one’s life?” I am so glad that today I have an answer. I would not ever have expected myself to come up with such an answer ever. To put it metaphorically, if food is what keeps you alive and air is what keeps you breathing, then love is what gives you a reason to eat and breathe.

Yes, love indeed is the biggest energy that drives all of us.

Denying myself of the concept of love, I started getting closer and closer to the concept. 

I don’t know how many of you liked Geometry in school. But, do you remember those proofs we used to write almost all the time. For example, proving that a given triangle is a Pythagorean triangle or not. (A right triangle whose sides form a Pythagorean triple is called a Pythagorean triangle.  A Pythagorean triple consists of three positive integers a, b, and c, such that a² + b² = c²). So, we would start by saying that the triangle is not a Pythagorean triangle; therefore, the sum of its sides squared would not be equal to the square of the hypotenuse. Then, at the end, if this is the case, then we would say, it is indeed not a Pythagorean triangle. However, if our calculations show that the sum of its sides squared is equal to the square of the hypotenuse, then we reject our assumption and say that the triangle is a Pythagorean triangle.  

Sorry for the detailed analysis of a proof there. The point I am trying to make here is, many of the things we believe to be nonexistent on the basis of our current experience, can turn out to be real and actual after we test our assumptions. Challenging and testing our assumptions is really difficult, and believe me, no one can persuade us to challenge them if we don’t want to do so. But, if we do, we may actually find answers to some of the questions that keep on haunting us.

So, how did we reach to analyzing and testing our beliefs from the cute and adorable emotion of love that everyone wants to experience?

The answer is I did not believe in love until I realized for myself that I love someone. Loving someone is good. It makes you think that you are worth living. If you are lucky enough to be loved by someone, then it is incredible. However, there too I cannot stop analyzing. I keep on analyzing everything that he says and everything that I tell him. I keep on testing and retesting our relationship. Once you have found love, it is really difficult to let it go. You want to hold it tightly, close to your heart, and ensure that it doesn’t slip away. You are confident, yet afraid.

What is life without some spice? You cannot keep on living on a salad. Once in a while, you want to taste some spicy Indianized Chinese dish that your colleague orders, only to find out that, “Amruta, this amount of spice is not going to be easy next day, when you would try emptying your stomach.” Still, you want to experience it.

The first thing I realized about love is that I was afraid to experience it. (My mind’s counter attack on this was as follows: Who are you kidding Ms. Psychologist? Are you so delicate that you won’t let yourself experience a positive emotion? I believe you have experienced some deep negative and positive stuff, and you handled it pretty well. Why are you hiding under the bed now? Come on, it’s not going to hurt you. If it does, you will still learn.)

Then, I realized that I am capable of giving ample amount of love; however, when it comes to receiving some, I chicken out.  

Then I realized loving does not need to be learnt. It comes to us naturally. Human beings love each other in their own individual ways. This makes love unique, yet universal.

One of the ways Indian Philosophy prescribes for understanding the ultimate reality, being one with God, and attaining liberation from all the attachments, is through the greatest feeling of attachment, i.e., love. In simple words, it talks about loving to the extent of devotion that would then lead to the ultimate goal of our lives.

So, resisting emotions, particularly love, does not help.

That’s more or less what I talked with him when I started loving him. I cannot thank him enough for loving me back. It was a process for me, though it may not be so for others. Love reveals itself differently through every individual.

I cannot even say his and my definitions of love are the same. I would not be wrong if I say that he loves me in his own way and expresses it quite differently than I do. However, it doesn’t change the fact that we love each other. That’s what is most important.