Being there…

I always wanted someone to be there for me. It was a dream of me since I was a child. Sometimes, I used to feel that it would be so easy if I do not have to articulate my needs and emotions at all. The world would have been a perfect place if there was someone who read my thoughts and understood my needs without me uttering the word. Obviously, there was and is no one in my life who would be that ideal person. I missed that person like anything. To be honest, I still do sometimes.

The world had different things in store for me though. I felt lonely as expressing my emotions and needs was not my comfort zone. I dreamed and dreamed of someone who would come along and be this amazing person for me. The feeling that someone would be there who would know me in and out even if the world misunderstands me was amazing even in dreams. I was fortunate enough to meet many people who came quite close to the description. However, this just proved to be the silver lining to the dark cloud. I mean those people were great; however, they failed to either convey their understanding or simply misunderstood or misinterpreted the signals. Still, they were there for me in their own way. I am grateful for that.

My search continued. It was a fruitless search anyways. It was a fun search though. I mean whatever you do or whatever someone else does, no one can be your alter ego. The expectation itself is irrational. I was giving up and settling for so many great people that I had. These people had made me realize a lot of things about myself. Without realizing, I started becoming increasingly open about my emotions and needs. I had realized that someone else would understand my needs and emotions when I express them clearly and precisely. In my search of the person who understands me perfectly, I started getting closer to myself. Frankly speaking, there were times when I did not understand what I was feeling. I did not know I needed a hug or a cup of a tea. I realized that even I cannot be that person myself. How on earth someone else was going to be that person for me. 

I found a lot of things lying inside myself that did not know their place. So, I started getting acquainted with them. It was a learning experience to understand something about oneself. Then, there were other times when someone else just happen to understand what I need more than I did. I had very thoughtful moments when the people who understood me were actually strangers. My self-talk was, “How can they know what I need?” It is a wonderful when you look at yourself from a stranger’s perspective.

Through such things, I started discovering that person who knew me in and out. I was glad to meet that person. It is not every day that you are completely and precisely understood. However, this became a fact for me. I had finally found somebody who was my perfect partner. From that day onward, I have hardly ever felt lonely. I always tell my friends I may be alone but not lonely. It was bliss.

As anyone can easily guess that person is me. I became my person (this is for Grey’s Anatomy fans out there). The other me still has problems understanding me. However, together we pass each and every hurdle we come across. As I have mentioned in my earlier posts, I merely stopped waiting for somebody without realizing it. I am just with me. I do enjoy this.

And I yell at myself:

I will be there for you

‘Cause you’re there for me, too