Somewhere between...

Somewhere between the certainly and uncertainty your life hangs with a thread of your relationship with the universe.

On your face they would tell that they believe you, but when it comes to doing something they would ask you to prove yourself time and again. You would hear the tone of doubt always.

You keep asking yourself where does it end? Will it end?

Does it end ever?

Somewhere between having confidence and losing it, you start feeling guilty about the things that you did and about the things that you didn’t do.

With every step you take, you second guess yourself, never believing yourself and never having any confidence.

It is not that you are not good enough but somehow you don’t ever feel so.

Somewhere between telling yourself that you are what you are and them telling you that you are good for nothing, you lose your self-worth.

You tell yourself that you know you tend to forget things even when you write and put reminders on the phone. Is it good enough to get ridiculed because of that? They find it justified.

Then, you are angry at yourself for forgetting things and for letting the things others have said affect you.

Then, you decide that you would rather talk to your dear laptop than talk to people. People don’t understand you and they don’t know where you come from.

Somewhere between this, you become weird for people, a person they can laugh at and make fun of.

You try to wear the label on your chest and walk with pride. You succeed.

They would praise you for what you do as if they don’t even mean it. Then, they would tell you where you went wrong and that would always be crude.

Your genuine reasons would always be called excuses because apparently people decide what is genuine for you.

Whoever you are and whatever profession you work in, your emotionality would always be considered your shortcoming even though that is the only thing that has worked best…

Somewhere between doing different works you would realise that professionalism is simply a cute name given to turning everything human into everything machine.

Somewhere between typing this out, you would realise that when all human has left you crying, hurt and wanting, it is a machine that has helped you. It is something that doesn’t have human in it but is able to help you be human.

Somewhere between lost and found, you would tell yourself that you are neither lost nor is anyone trying to find you. You are in limbo perpetually.

Somewhere between holding onto the hope, you have been holding onto despair…

Somewhere

Somewhere

Somewhere